'Hello my name is distance and I really don't care if I never wake up again.'

I find Mercury Rising by From Autumn to Ashes to be rather fitting to my mood.

'Every breath that I exhale is a sigh -
every breath that I exhale is a sigh of exhaustion.'

Every time I try to make something of my life, to find and hold some joy withing it, something goes astray. I do not feel that I have done something to derserve the way things alway seem to turn out for me. I've done everything I can, time and again. I have eased the pain of others; shared in their pain. I have coaxed smiles out of some of the most world weary of people and, by doing so, helped them somewhat carry their burdens.
I feel I have done these things in the most selfless way I could, though I probably have gained something from it all due to my imperfection.
I have seen some of the worst the world can offer and I know I am better than they for I strive to be a better person. I am far from perfect but striving is what helps shape me.

'Every breath that I exhale is a sigh -
every breath that I exhale is a sigh of exhaustion.'

When I am weary of it all once more and I need to ease my suffering, a task which I am ill suited for, I come here to my journal .. my empty journal that no one reads... to pour my poor soul out once again.. and hope the empty air feels a little for me.

Lord above, I believe in you as my creater.
I respect you for your power and strength.
I lean upon your strength as my friend when I can.
I thank you for the salvation you have offered in the world to come. But what of salvation here in this world?

It seems each time I give my heart out, I am forsaken.
I may be a good person at heart and I may do what some others will not to try to be the good person I wish to be... but I do not wish to be a martyr. I wish for joy, peace, and stability. I wish to be relieved of my fears like any other person does.

.. again I must seek hope for my lost heart... so lost is it I have even lost my symbol of hope... a ring of white with a single black line through it... hope tempered by pain and grief. Praticality with optimism...

Goodbye my name is distance and I really wish I cared a little more if I never woke up again.

Pacis, my non-existant readers.
I hope this mediocre authoriship has helped ease my soul a little in these times.

JaguarZ